I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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