perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I am spending my child support on dildos
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
