why im i the only drunk person in the library?
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
