I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
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