There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
