No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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