I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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