I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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