Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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