don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
