i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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