Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
