Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
