im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
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