I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Ladies don't puke and tell
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Randomize
