I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
that is very illegal...i love you.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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