I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
