Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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