Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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