If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
