They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
