What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
