Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Randomize
