I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize