Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Someone came in the potted fern
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
