Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
