need another drink. this is the easiest way
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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