im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
