the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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