i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
