My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
