Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
