She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
