quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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