You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
