Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
