I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
