There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
