Only a mothe r could love this liver
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
