Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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