We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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