Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
