That's intense
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
