god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
