Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
