when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
do herpes really smell.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
