you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
is wine microwaveable?
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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