Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
