talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
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