theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
