hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
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