I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
My legs feel like baby dolphins
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Randomize
