well I can't set my house on fire every night
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
