I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
