Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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