4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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