You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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