I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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