my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
