I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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