Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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