you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize