trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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