I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Boobs speak an international language.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I think my moral compass just broke
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