I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
