Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
